I don't know, sometimes I'm fine and then things happen and the next minute I'm not. It's interesting, and I only use that word because I like it. Like today for instance, this morning I was fine, I was happy, looking forward to a fun Easter Monday with friends and family, and then the family arrived and everything sort of fell apart as they sort of, not quite, ignored me and just went straight to their friends in the family who did things with them. I'm not the most social person, in fact I'm very unsocial. Not because I don't want to be but because there is an invisible wall that prevents me from interacting with other people. I've tried, but it seems impossible to cross. But just because I'm unsocial isn't a reason to ignore me. The sad thing is, and the hard thing, they probably don't actually realise what it's doing to me and I can't tell them because I cannot cross my wall. We're both hanging off the deep end and not really much we can do.
At least, I don't see what I can do. If people talk to me, I will happily talk back and hold a conversation for as long as it will go because there is nothing I like more than talking to friends. I just can't really start conversations. So when they arrived and just went into their select group of friends who all are friends because they play the same damned Elder Scrolls Online game, I am pretty much excluded because I know nothing about it and therefore can't enter the conversation. I'm not stupid, I'm actually quite smart, but they never talk about anything I know about so I'm never included. That gets me down.
I only have two friends I can seriously talk with, and that sucks. So this being my blog I figured it would be okay to post this here, just to let it out. I need to let it out sometime other wise it will continue to build on top of other issues I keep inside and if they are not let out I am certain I will go mad from it.
Another thing that gets me down is family getting upset. Now I don't want to really go into too much detail on the people involved because I think it's kind of private. I mean, I'd tell you absolutely everything but I don't think other people would like that. This person, right, has a job and there aren't really set times for the shifts. I mean they will ring you up just before a shift is about to begin and ask you to work. Now this person has the opportunity if they want to say no. We had things happening today, the person had to work and they weren't happy. They got back tonight expecting certain people to be home but other people have lives and can only stay a certain time out. The person was unhappy, of course, that's understandable, but constantly getting upset every time you miss out on something sort of is starting to annoy me and get me down. I don't really have a right to get annoyed at this person, but I do.
I have no idea the whole point of this blog post, it probably doesn't make sense to anyone reading this but I felt I had to let it all out. The main point of it is I think I would hurt myself if I didn't fear hurting myself. And the one person I'd tell how I've been feeling to have help I don't want to tell because I don't want to complain or make them worry. But this has been building for a while and it's a joint effort of everything which is made out of nothing. That makes it even worse, but I don't know what to do.
Monday, 21 April 2014
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Camp NaNoWriMo
Camp NaNoWriMo, basically normal NaNoWriMo but you're on a virtual camp. And it's in April, and you get to set your own writing goals. Just very similar. All fun. I'm doing it this year for the first time, and it is day two. I'm pretty excited for it. My word goal is only 20,000 but that's because I'm using Camp NaNo to finish two of my short stories. The main reason I'm excited is because of the stories, which is always the reason isn't it? I'll get to telling you about those in a minute, first, a little about the camp.
In normal NaNo you get to write with everybody. You're all connected and you can message whoever you want and find out about whoever you want. In Camp NaNo, however, you are placed into Cabins. Cabins are groups of twelve people, yourself included I think, I haven't actually counted to see if I'm included, and those are the only people you get to see. You can message those people in a big chat they have set up where you can see what everyone else posts, and I think you can also privately send people messages if you want. It's really a great idea because this way you can develop a better relationship with your fellow writers if those are the only ones there instead of having a selection of almost a million writers to talk to.
For the Cabins, you can pick to have complete strangers, or you can have a Cabin full of your friends, or a Cabin with some friends and some complete strangers. For this year, seeing as I don't actually know many people on the NaNoWriMo site, I've only got one friend in the Cabin and the other 10 (11?) are total strangers. That is actually cool, in the sense that I'm fine with it, as I like meeting new people. Only online though is it fine as I'm a shy person in real life. And I look forward to getting to know them a lot better in the coming month.
Now, my stories. You can write as many stories as you want and write as many words as you want for NaNoWriMo, so I'm doing two stories. The first story is called 'The World of Mr Green' and it's a fantasy sort of thing set in a little outback town in Western Australia that is run by this mysterious man that has the whole town hypnotised. A girl, Walter Saint-Jean, is a travelling magician who stops by the town to do a show before moving on. That was the plan, somehow for some reason the mysterious man, Mr Green, takes an interest in her and won't let her escape. She takes it upon herself to answer some valuable questions about him, namely, Who is he? What is he? and How is he?
This story is probably the weirdest I've ever written, not just in the setting and characters, but in the way I'm writing it. The sentence structures are off the roof and off this world. You'll either enjoy reading it, or will cringe dreadfully and drop the book. We shall see.
The second story is called 'Requiem for a Dead Thing' which I'm writing as a play. It's my first play, and it's interesting writing it. It's about this Lord whose son has suddenly died, and so he hires a travelling composer to write a requiem. His two other children, another son and a daughter, think it's a waste of time and try to scare the composer off.
It will probably be a lot more interesting to read than what I just wrote about it, don't worry.
And that's it, I think. I'm still editing 'Of Lights and Shadows' which is going slowly. Too Many Words!!! I don't know when I'll be finished that, or if it will still be published in June. We shall also see about that. There isn't really a problem if I don't publish it this year, it will be published eventually. Either as a normal book or as an e-book.
And that's it. Thanks for reading.
Cheers,
Peter.
In normal NaNo you get to write with everybody. You're all connected and you can message whoever you want and find out about whoever you want. In Camp NaNo, however, you are placed into Cabins. Cabins are groups of twelve people, yourself included I think, I haven't actually counted to see if I'm included, and those are the only people you get to see. You can message those people in a big chat they have set up where you can see what everyone else posts, and I think you can also privately send people messages if you want. It's really a great idea because this way you can develop a better relationship with your fellow writers if those are the only ones there instead of having a selection of almost a million writers to talk to.
For the Cabins, you can pick to have complete strangers, or you can have a Cabin full of your friends, or a Cabin with some friends and some complete strangers. For this year, seeing as I don't actually know many people on the NaNoWriMo site, I've only got one friend in the Cabin and the other 10 (11?) are total strangers. That is actually cool, in the sense that I'm fine with it, as I like meeting new people. Only online though is it fine as I'm a shy person in real life. And I look forward to getting to know them a lot better in the coming month.
Now, my stories. You can write as many stories as you want and write as many words as you want for NaNoWriMo, so I'm doing two stories. The first story is called 'The World of Mr Green' and it's a fantasy sort of thing set in a little outback town in Western Australia that is run by this mysterious man that has the whole town hypnotised. A girl, Walter Saint-Jean, is a travelling magician who stops by the town to do a show before moving on. That was the plan, somehow for some reason the mysterious man, Mr Green, takes an interest in her and won't let her escape. She takes it upon herself to answer some valuable questions about him, namely, Who is he? What is he? and How is he?
This story is probably the weirdest I've ever written, not just in the setting and characters, but in the way I'm writing it. The sentence structures are off the roof and off this world. You'll either enjoy reading it, or will cringe dreadfully and drop the book. We shall see.
The second story is called 'Requiem for a Dead Thing' which I'm writing as a play. It's my first play, and it's interesting writing it. It's about this Lord whose son has suddenly died, and so he hires a travelling composer to write a requiem. His two other children, another son and a daughter, think it's a waste of time and try to scare the composer off.
It will probably be a lot more interesting to read than what I just wrote about it, don't worry.
And that's it, I think. I'm still editing 'Of Lights and Shadows' which is going slowly. Too Many Words!!! I don't know when I'll be finished that, or if it will still be published in June. We shall also see about that. There isn't really a problem if I don't publish it this year, it will be published eventually. Either as a normal book or as an e-book.
And that's it. Thanks for reading.
Cheers,
Peter.
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